To Be Or Not To Be

Sometimes, people define themselves by what they're not. For my single girlfriends, it's "I'm not married", "I'm not attached", or "I'm not a mom". Or maybe it's how you define your moral high ground. "I'm not a dishonest person", or "I'm not someone who does that sort of thing". But for me, recently, it's been a labour to find the words to express what I'm not anymore. By the BMI scale, I'm not obese. By association, you might say I'm not the object of ridicule or scorn. I'm not a freak show. Or by other's (albeit, unfair) standards, from the outside I look like I am not out of control, I am not obsessed with food and I am not a hazard to the health care system. But do these things really define me?

But now the more difficult question looms. What am I? Who am I? I thought I knew the answers to these questions, but the farther along on this weight loss journey I go, the less certain I am. I'm finding that defining myself, my likes and dislikes and even my wants and needs is not only tricky, but limiting. Saying I dislike something might close a door leading to further exploration. And saying "I'm not" limits my ability to say "I am". If I'm certain of anything these days, I know that possibilities are endless and embracing new experiences is one of the joys in life. So let this be my cautionary tale. The only "I'm not" you'll hear from me these days is that I'm not going to define myself that way. These days, I prefer to let my actions speak for themselves because they surprise me every day. This week, I am a runner (30 minutes on intervals on the treadmill, thank you!), I am a girl who wears high heels, I am a good friend, I am a writer. And I am excited to see what else I can be in the future.